Thursday, November 6, 2008

Time marches on

My 93 yr.-old grandma passed away this week, in a nursing home, in Ohio. It had not been a good situation for quite awhile and we were all sort of relieved. The service, done by my uncle, was really great. He spoke specifically to each of his brothers and sisters about how their mother felt about them and then he allowed people to come up at will and speak about "Gammie" and what she meant to us. That was so joyous and bittersweet for everyone. My own fine mother got up with yellowed recipe cards that had been written for her by Gammy many moons ago. As my mom read off the titles on the recipe cards, people were oohing and aahing aloud.

I came away thinking that I pretty much suck as a mother...I know that's an exaggeration and I know that Gammie's kids probably drove her nuts, but her life was distilled down to its most important impacts and they were all about how she made everyone feel special and she loved everyone, all the time, from their high moments to their bottom-dragging choices, she was all about love and support and more love and good food.

I'm about nagging and being disappointed and mad and frustrated. I'm about being a drill sergeant because nothing seems to work. My kids sneak off during the day to avoid me, because they say all I want to do is work. Where's the balance? #1 wants to spend time with just me, but she complains that she doesn't want to do it while I'm doing laundry...

Meanwhile every room, including the hallways and the cars, are piled with stuff and clothes and I get frustrated everywhere I turn. How can I be about love and good food, when I have trouble finding a horizontal surface to set a dish on? Why can't these darn kids do one thing they've been told to do over 487 times?? Is this just me?

Maybe I just need to wait for grandkids...


Jenn said...

I'm sorry for the loss of your's always tough when a loved one dies.

And no, it's not just you. I have to tell my kids the same thing over and over and over again and it never quite seems to get through their heads. The thing is, the tasks NEVER change, their brains just can't seem to figure that out. :P

Thank you for stopping by my blog!

{i}Post said...

It is not just you. I have felt that way before as well. But, put things into perspective. First, your kids are still not adults. These people at the service were talking about a mother they had known as an adult longer than as children. She was just as strict with her kids as you are with yours. But time has faded that memory and left only the good ones.

Set guidelines and be consistent. That IS what being a good parent means. When they grow up and look back, the stable, loving home you provided will be what they remember. Not the nagging. (((Hugs)))

momstheword said...

I am sorry to hear about your grandmother but what a wonderful tribute to her.

You're not alone. I still feel like I have to nag my kids sometimes...and they're 15 & 19! I figure that doing chores when they were little taught them a work ethic (and made the house a whole lot cleaner). That's my story and I'm sticking to it, LOL! Thanks for visiting!

babynemo08 said...

As one of your relatives, one that at one point looked strikingly like your second daughter (might I add, she is beautiful! ;) ) I can agree with you completely. I have no idea how she did it. I have no idea how you do it. I only have one, one that doesn't walk or talk or make (too many) messes. Sometimes I don't know how I will make it to bedtime, let alone get jammies washed and bottles in the dishwasher. She raised 5 children, and went on to help raise, house, condition grandchildren and even great-grandchildren! Truly something.
Don't worry, you do good work. She taught us all many things.