"Time will ease your pain.  Life's about changing.  Nothing ever stays the same."  That Patty Loveless song from 1999 has run through my mind many, many times.  Mostly because it is so true.  And then there's that great quote from The Sound of Music, "When God closes a door, He always opens a window."  Also true.

That beautiful horse in the picture above, is gone from our lives now.  He looks so wonderful there.  We were so lucky to have him.  I wonder if we will come across another as good, ever.

I had to make that horrible, horrible decision to say goodbye to Reno, the best horse ever, in the fall.  He was 29 and I only got to love him for 5 years.  What a great 5 years he gave me.  It was a beautiful day, and I didn't want to try to coax him through a tough winter when he couldn't really eat hay very well.  He was showing signs of pre-Cushing's syndrome, and was even foundering on the grass that came in after the drought ended.  So I couldn't turn him out very much, and he couldn't eat hay very well!  It was not a good situation. 

It was the right albeit terrible decision.  Several friends, whom I will never be able to repay, came and managed the whole process for me.  I could not attend.  Some may be able to do that, but when I talked with the vet on the phone, even she said she couldn't do it with her own horses.   The only good side to it, was that he could be buried here.  We had enough discussed it with several friends who had experience with the process and although Handyman thought it would be nigh-on impossible, it wasn't---again, thanks to some very helpful friends.

"Hi...if you're not doing anything today, could you come attend the euthanization of my 1000 lb. pet and put him in the ground for us? That would be great.  Thanks!  Oh, and I won't be here.  So good luck with all that." 

He is gone but not forgotten and we are getting a stone carved for his site, and planting a super knockout rose outside the fence nearby (otherwise those silly goats will eat it.)

Princess is a little lonely without him, but she does have her goatie girls.  I am not sure if I am actually done with horses.  I did get bucked off my neighbor's horse soon after Reno was gone.  It was not fun.  Probably the most painful part (okay not really), was that I was hurt and could not get back on and ride that sucker into submission myself.  Fortunately, I wasn't so hurt that I couldn't drive a bus! 

That realization that comes over you as you do the quicky assessment, while still lying on the ground....nothing is broke, but something is definitely messed up---dang! he is going to step on me if I don't move fast, and what will happen to my family if I am REALLY injured?!  No surgery today if I can get up quickly!  (which I did.)  But my back/pelvis was jammed up for about 3 weeks.  Sleeping on heating pad, Aleve for breakfast and very slow walking for about a month, and I am back to normal.  Also made me miss Reno all the more.

It was a nasty buck and twist and brought my age right into focus.  Will I keep doing this?  Should I just move over to dogs for good?  Handyman would love to turn that barn into a woodshop.  What  about llamas?  Yeah.  Llamas!  They can't kill me and #3 would love to show a llama at the fair. 

Me?  The one who has looked down my nose at llamas for many years, is actually signing the little one up to lease a llama for the summer.  Pack up the chaps, Honey.  We're getting a pet that can spit at us! :)  Oh, and you don't have to shovel their poop, and they don't need a farrier, and they don't bite or kick or rear or buck.  And, oh yeah...you can't ride them.  :(

Handyman wants to buy me a mountain bike...so we can spend time together.  It's pretty hard to say no to that.  I'm just not sure if I'm interested in working that hard.  Something about having the animal do the work, while I just hang on...but then we won't be hanging out together...


Well, you gotta try these things out, or you'll never know.  I don't think I would be able to turn down just the right horse if it came walking into my life, though.  We may borrow a horse from a friend, just for a companion.  But I'm not sure I'm ready to sell my saddle yet.

Dreamin'

What if your dream horse came into your life belonging to someone else? The color you wanted...the build you wanted...the talent you wanted...the personality you wanted. Would you be happy, or jealous, or a little of both?

What if you were busy living your life and he was more than you could ever spend on a horse, but you got to ride him, for free?

What if the more you got to know him, the more you loved him and then you had to stop riding him because he was going to go showing with someone else?

What if you didn't get to see him again for awhile? Would you be able to just fuggedaboutit--sorta like a high school romance, great and dramatic, but burnt out and over.

What if you could have him, at your house, indefinitely...but he was too lame to ever jump again and might not become sound?



What if your husband said, "That's why we built three stalls." :)

Pinch me...I think I'm dreaming...

Life in the Remodeling Trenches

I am giving thanks today for rigid-foam insulation board--why? you might ask...

Well, it will allow the toilet nearest my bedroom to remain above 50 degrees this evening. Many of you have gone a long time since you've used a privy...let me tell you there's a lot of positive things going on with indoor, heated plumbing.

Here's an actual conversation with Handyman, from earlier this summer:

"Well, now that I've ripped out the oil tank by the front door AND the sidewalk; and we've enjoyed that gravel sidewalk all winter, I need about $500 for materials to re-do the sidewalk in the bluestone that we picked out.

Me: Okay, I think I can come up with that...

Him: (Gazing over my head at the front of the house.) Well, before I put in the new sidewalk, I should tear off the roof because I could back the dump trailer right up to the front door and you wouldn't want to do that with a new sidewalk...

Me: (Mouth falling open--for once, speechless)

Him: (continuing on)...and if we're going to tear off the roof, WHILE WE'RE AT IT*, we should put in those dormers that we have been saying we want...it would be silly not to do that at the same time...

* The most expensive four words in remodeling

Me: (Mouth still open) gaaaaa...I guess so.

So, the dudes who tear off roofs for a living, came and only one of them fell off, outside #1's bedroom window, breaking the deck, but not his arm. And then the contractor came and added two wonderful dormers, one in the master bath and one over the front door. Now we can see out to the driveway from the landing at the top of the stairs. How it should've been all along, I think.

Handyman, being the can-do guy that he is, decided to go against one of his earliest statements upon moving here: "That roof is too steep for me. I'll pay someone to put a new roof on it."

And so with the money we saved from the roof, we went to a building materials auction and bought kitchen cabinets, for my birthday! Handyman and I met at an auction, so it is always enjoyable to return to our roots.

We spent all day in a giant, filthy warehouse, but got a terrific bargain for our efforts. Everyone around us agreed! 28 brand new kitchen cabinets, no particle board, some with beveled glass in the doors, for $2100!! Woo hoo!

And just to keep the entertainment level at peak, we brought them all home in a horse trailer! The Clampitts get a kitchen!

Do Something Good for Yourself

Just want to say I am really getting a lot out of the Darren Hardy, Success Magazine e-workshop Designing the Best 10 Years of Your Life. I heard about this through I'm an Organizing Junkie, and although I am behind the schedule, I am doing the worksheets and watching the videos and I have learned a lot about myself.

One of the first installments talked about whether you want the next 10 years of your life to be just same-old stuff or something more significant...and I'm wanting to really achieve things in a lot of areas of my life.

If you want to turn up the heat on your plans, goals or just get some heat going under your kettle, I urge you to sign up and catch up. It's never too late to make a success of yourself.

Do Hard Things!

Remodeling

Remodeling--it's fun, exciting, expensive, and educational! We tell people all the time about the cartoon, that I carry in my daytimer AND have taped to our refrigerator--but mostly just burned into our brains--that shows Satan standing at the "doors" to the underworld. There are two choices for the poor bum waiting on the brink. One portal reads, "Burn for all eternity" and the other says, "Live in your home while you're remodeling". Satan quips, "Pretty much a toss-up, isn't it?!"

Yep. Well, I think so. As Handyman tore into the dining room wall after church, the rest of us shielded our plates from debris and I threw newspaper at #1 to tape over the heat vents in the floor--(which lead directly to our $10 million geothermal heat pump!)

#1, being a seasoned remodeling baby, went right at it, taping protection down. When it comes to heat, we women are pretty possessive and protective. We'll take every micro jule (or BTU or whatever) we can get.

I was proud of my little women. Nobody batted an eye as Daddy started yanking off planks of drywall while we ate. In fact, #1 got into it. It was a stress-reliever for her. What did surprise me (silly me), was that #3 didn't know much about how much we've done to the house that she lives in. She thought it had looked like this since we moved in!! Yikes!

Obviously, babies do not pay close attention to fiber-cement siding, custom window trim and the quality of interior doors. She did not realize that the nook used to be an outdoor deck and that the big spot of particle-board subfloor in her bedroom is where #1's closet was. She didn't know that her bedroom originally had one ridiculously small window AND a set of patio doors!

Fortunately, Handyman did insist that I make a remodeling scrapbook of this monstrosity we call home. During #3's short life, Daddy has been busy building the barn, the fence and now the treehouse, and she's seen very little work on our actual abode--a fact not lost on Handyman. I whipped out the scrapbook and showed her how the house looked when we first looked at it. In a word--ick.

I told her how we didn't move in for a month, while Daddy ripped up the original 1971 shag carpet, with the original 1971 cat pee stains. How he even ripped up the subflooring in our bedroom and we moved in with no carpet on the replacement subfloor.

I told her how that first winter, we only had the shower in the bathroom off the kitchen-the one with NO heat vent--to use. And how we took her sisters to Grandma's once a week for a bath. I showed her the pictures of the front doors, with the hideous blue siding and solid metal doors, that were the first thing to feel the crowbar when we came.

I think she was a little impressed. She quickly grew accustomed to the big orange extension cord trailing through the rooms and adapted well to the sawzall running while she played downstairs.

As I have seen time and time again, Handyman is much more organized in his processes (THANK GOD!), than I would be. I woulda cut the hole in the wall at 1pm, just to experience the thrill of light coming in, (and heat being sucked out!) But not my guy--he spent most of the day measuring and marking. Then he had to move some wiring around. Then he moved the insulation and built the header and framework, AND installed it, without touching the siding on the outside.

Then, I just happened to find a text from Hayfield Owner, from 3 days previous, asking if Handyman had gotten the window put in? And I just happened to text back that window installation was actually in progress at that very moment, if he was bored. Fortunately, Hayfield Owner was bored and he and his kids rode their bikes over, and stayed for dinner, PTL.

I'm sure if Handyman had continued on with me as the assistant, there would be a lop-sided hole in the wall, with garbage bags taped over it, while he had to go to "paying work" for four days. The window would be leaning up against the wall, with doodling on it and laundry stacked on top of it.

Handyman was able to move forward more quickly with knowledgeable, capable help and they ended up even saving the siding, to make a quick restoration of the outside. The new window went into place at about 8pm, rather than the predicted midnight. And boy was I glad there was someone besides me to stand on the scaffolding and heave it into place!

It was a little less than exciting since it was dark outside when it went in, but I think it got the remodeling bug going again in Handyman. Not that the treehouse is actually finished. There's that whole railing for the bouncy bridge, and railing for the porch side with the 14' drop. But, hey! They're kids! It's exciting for them, right?!

I would post pictures of the window, the sent-from-above helper and the Handyman in his bathrobe cutting insulation, BUT, #1 fell with my digital camera and it hasn't been happy since. So all those pictures are on this archaic device called a film camera and I'll have to drive somewhere to get them "developed".

I will leave you with a picture of the upcoming, massive project, which requires the assistance of knowledgeable people called, structural engineers! But, you can also see from this shot, what the entire house looked like, aesthetically, in the beginning. Unfortunately, you cannot see that the window trim is rotted and falling off, and the windows have lost their seals, etc. And you cannot smell the smell that sent the realtor back to her car--(it wasn't that bad.)


Wish us luck!

But seriously, Folks

Okay, because the moths seem to have been eradicated and the flies are in remission, I've decided to buckle down and talk about serious issues. Resolutions and priorities. Yes, I like to make New Year's resolutions, although this year my enthusiasm has waned somewhat. Must be the mud. I like resolutions. I like blank pages. I like mulligans. Gives me hope. I keep wondering if my positive outlook will wilt as I get older. I used to wonder if I was positive-minded or if it was just an act, an efficient form of denial. (See old blog on fake it 'til you make it.)

After spending time around my inlaws, it's always necessary to a) get out and watch George Carlin videos and b)practice a hobby of any sort. Now, I have loved my inlaws for almost 20 years. They are kind and generous. My MIL, in particular, is a negative person. It's so disappointing because she can be cheerful, but the underlying current is always defeat. Always has been, my husband and BIL tell me. It's grating. She has no reason to be, at all. She had an idyllic rural childhood, was popular in school, etc. She reveres her parents and is healthy as a horse. She has never wanted, really. She got to build her first home, had nice things, but did work when the boys went to high school and beyond. But she has no appreciation for her situation, at all.

I think part of it is my FIL. He had a sad childhood. Not abused, but certainly emotionally abandoned, several times and ways. Very closed-off most of the time. Now he is old and crabby and it makes me sad for the girls to know him as this. I'm sure his closed-off-ness has made my MIL starved for affection, attention, companionship. And now that she has catered to him for a long time, there's no changing it. He has no responsibilities, no hobbies, no interests and she won't make/take time to do anything but fret and worry and have self-pity.

It's kind of a whirlpool of depression that we have to wade in and out of, warily.

On the other hand, my grandma is the same age as my FIL. She has had breast cancer and two knee replacements. Now this woman became a widow at age 40 with a 5 yr. old and a 17 yr. old (my mom.) She didn't have a college education and she couldn't drive. It was 1956. She came from a relatively poor family, but close-knit. She put herself through LPN school and learned to drive. She worked in nursing homes until I had children and retired as a licensed social worker when she was 70. She lives on the most minimum of incomes, with help from my parents and my uncle and aunt, drives, sews and quilts and takes classes and volunteers at a community co-op where she sells her wares. She plays bunco, gardens and could not live without a canine companion. Until this summer, she was driving 3 hrs. one-way to see her doctor, where she used to live!!

What's the difference here? I have become firmly convinced over the years that the difference is hobbies, or interests. My grandma has lots of reasons to get out of bed each day. Her pet needs her and her hobbies are little mountains of accomplishment that have admirers when she finishes. She doesn't make enough money of them to warrant the time spent, so the reward is not financial. But she creates and completes. Admiration and flattery are the icing on the cake. Her mother was a tailor on the side, so sewing is a family tradition that she has done since childhood, but quilting is new, and detailed. My grandma has two sisters (she is the oldest.) The second sister is also a quilter, collects antique glass and has taken up painting in the last 10 years. The youngest sister, who has no hobbies (and a traumatic life) is the most aged of them all. Like my FIL, she has no hobbies. No reasons to do anything but sleepwalk through the day meeting the most basic needs.

Now, I would also argue that the faithlife is almost non-existent in these, as well. My in-laws do go to church often. But there is no daily walk of faith, no reliance on prayer or God or interest in such as important, although they would tell you that they definitely believe in God and Jesus. I've struggled with whether I should be witnessing to my in-laws more about a stronger reliance on God. But it just seems hopeless (this from a "positive" person.) I guess that doesn't say a lot for my faith.

My point here was to encourage everyone to have some hobby. A hobby that doesn't require leaving your house. Find things that can travel with you, like handcrafts--knitting, crocheting, woodcarving, whatever. Encourage and cultivate these in your children. I think that this is crucial for a variety of reasons. Our lives have become soooooo easy and comfortable. We don't have to grow or harvest or butcher anything for our daily existence. Our children struggle not to meet basic needs. They need to see repeated, continuous effort that ends in a completion, with something to show for it--in something besides paper pushing, and games on tv are not it.

Michael Pearl has a great article this month about getting off video games, with some excellent recommendations in it. Go to http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/ and it's right at the top of the page. I know most people are not lucky enough to live the rural/muddy life that I get to live...poor things. So extra effort has to be made by you suburbanites to get your kids out into life. People are hardwired to accomplish, especially boys. We don't have to harvest wheat and put up hay anymore and that's why we see young people doing insane things like base jumping and land luge-ing. Yikes, check those out on You Tube. (We're sticking with needlework, here.)

Anyway, my priorities/resolutions: Don't become old and crabby. I don't think it's a requirement. I want to be happy and appreciative, even if I hurt. I want to be an example of kind Christianity, because I wish there were more elderly examples around me. (And I gave birth to a baby at age 40, so I will be an old grandma.) I want to continue to be interested in the world around me, including voting against nationalized health care whenever possible--and I am self-employed, so I do know what this involves! I want to value and encourage interests for each of my children that they can do their entire lives. This does not involve computer/electronic equipment. This does not involve thousands of dollars of investment. These should be things that they can do anywhere, anytime, at any income level.

I want to appreciate everything I have. My health, food in two refrigerators, bills paid, hardworking husband, heated mattress pad, a large variety of animal manures and high-speed internet. You get the idea. I will not harp on my kitchen situation. I will be glad that the rooster has a place to stay when it is freezing, that is convenient to me and easily cleaned. I will be glad that Handyman bought those little boot trays to hold all 24 pairs of boots on a given day.

Today's list of things I like about my kids: They are enthusiastic and creative. They are energizer kids. They are watching me every moment to soak up whatever I am putting out there. Heaven help us! The spotlight's on me, again.